“What the f*%k is a blooming onion?”

It the quintessential response that almost Australian recites to almost American who has ever eaten at an Outback Steakhouse. “But it’s Australian isn’t it? You should eat it all the time,” they say, “It is your cultural food.” Let me be clear. Outback Steakhouse is not Australian. It is Australian themed much in the way that Taco Casa is portrayed as being Mexican. I have only eaten there once before, and it was one of the most offensive experiences of my life.

Having over one thousand different stores across 23 different countries, Outback Steakhouse relies on giving it customers an eating experience that feels “like you’re right there in the Australian outback” (Outbacksteakhouse.com). Owned by the Bloomin’ Brands, Inc., based in Tampa, Florida, since its founding in 1988, the company owns and operates several grill and steakhouse chains throughout the world which all strive to “love hospitality, sharing, quality, being courageous and having fun.” Throughout my second time at Outback Steakhouse, these were all qualities that existed and I believe are being delivered upon, unlike the first time I went there.

My first experience at an Outback Steakhouse came at the beginning of my sophomore year in college on a road trip to Texas. Stopping in at around 8pm, my friends and I were immediately greeted with an attempted Australian accent designed to get a laugh from their usual clientele. When realising that we were Australian, rather than stop the attempt at humour, the server instead argued that we were faking our accents, mocking her, and were promptly asked to leave before threatening to call the police. This experience gave me a negative view on Outback Steakhouse, something that I have made very clear in conversations since.

I walked into the Outback Steakhouse in Tuscaloosa, down by the highway, with no feelings about the meal ahead. The sky bucketing down with rain, I unable to see that far in front of me, I waited for one of the friends who had been with me on that trip two years ago. As I waited, I noticed that the carpark was full of cars, with the restaurant inside buzzing with excitement as music emanated from its interior, laugh lines grazed the faces of the people inside in a mood that I had only seen inside restaurants several times before. As I received the text message that my friend was inside the restaurant, I left the relative comfort of my car and proceeded inside to find that he was nowhere in sight.

Walking through the front doors, I saw dozens of people standing at the entrance of the restaurant, sheltered from the cold and the wet that drenched the walls of the restaurant. Seeing my friend and his wife at the bar, I made my way past the photos of Kangaroos, Koalas and the map of Australia missing the state of Tasmania. Two thirds of the decor on the walls seemed to be stereotypical of Australia, perpetuated by Americans and specifically by Outback Steakhouse itself. The remaining third of the decor was that of landscape photographs of the Australian outback, where I recognised one such image as belonging to a valley only several hours from my home. I remember going to the valley with my family when I was younger, marvelling at the deep chasm that existed below me and the blue haze that emanated from the gum trees that made up the Blue mountains. Viewing that mountain range made me think about my country’s history and beauty, making em glad to be Australian.

Sitting at the bar, our bartender Miles listened in on the small talk I am making and quickly realised I was Australian. He turned to me, ignoring the rest of his customers and apologised, admitting that Outback steakhouse must be offensive to a real Australian. Rather than move from the comfortable seats at the bar into a booth, we decided to stay at the wooded bench with our freshly poured drinks in one hand and a menu in the other.

Turning to the menu that Miles had just handed us, I surveyed the “Australian” options available for my consumption tonight. Looking at the steak page, the Melbourne Porterhouse caught my eye, reminding me of the rich history that the city of Melbourne is known for, wondering if it could actually be reflected in a steak. Having spent time in Alice Springs, the Alice-Springs chicken sounded as though it could possibly be an interesting choice. However, the idea of an “Auzzie-Tizer” seemed as though it was the way to go. Perusing over the menu on that page, I felt as though the Aussie Signature Sampler and the Kookaburra wings sounded as though it could possibly be a good interpretation of Australian food. Taking my order, Miles remarks that he was going to put a Blooming Onion on my order for free as he asked if I had never had one. Of course I replied with “What the f*&k is a blooming onion?”

Within fifteen minutes I learnt what the f*&k a blooming onion was. Arriving on a large black serving plate along with my wings and sampler platter, the smell emanating from the food was intoxicating, making my tastebuds water with excitement. Setting down the plate in front of me, Miles started laughing as he saw the look on my face at what exactly a blooming onion was. He said that my face was a mixture of delight and confusion as I saw the beautiful yet weird creation that lay beneath me. Seeing the arrangement, the crispiness of fried onions inviting me in. Taking my first bite, I was immediately overwhelmed by the taste of undercooked onions, slightly chewy with the sauce adding a salty flavour that is found in many instances of Australian cuisine. Though marketed as being Australian in nature, unlike the kookaburra wings, I have never had these before in my life.

The chicken on the Kookaburra wings fell from the bone as soon as my teeth bit into them. For an appetiser, there were a generous amount of wings, salty to the taste as well as the smell. These kookaburra wings remind me of the chicken wings that I have had back home, with an over-abundance of salt being present. The Kookaburra is a symbol of Australian culture, often being referred to as the Larrikin of the outback, laughing at the fortune and misfortune of the people around it. Telling this story to my friends and Miles, they laughed much like to Kookaburra the wings were named after. If only the Aussie Signature Sampler could live up to the first two dishes.

The Aussie Signature Sampler contained another serving of Blooming Onions as well as Mac and Cheese Bites, as well as loaded fries named Aussie fries. These three different foods to me are completely unrepresentative of Australian culture, though I have had both of these in other restaurants in the United States. I have already talked about the blooming onions, the Aussie fries and the mac and cheese bites both tasted delicious, with the cheese within complimenting the saltiness of the blooming onion.

 

As I paid my bill, I left Miles a hefty tip, I walked out of the restaurant only to find that the rain had stopped and the moon was peeking from behind the clouds. As I turned to my friends, I remarked that this Outback Steakhouse in Tuscaloosa was nothing like the Outback Steakhouse in Texas all those years ago. It was an experience that I would recommend to anyone that asked if I had been there before, thought I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone if they wanted an authentic Australian cuisine experience. I believe that the food cannot really be characterised as Australian, rather that it is Australian themed, an ode to what Americans believe Australian food is. It wasn’t the food I was brought up with but I will say this; the visit to Outback Steakhouse allowed me to finally understand what the f*&k a blooming onion was.

 

References

“About us” Outback Steakhouse. https://www.outback.com/about-us. Accessed 1 November 2018.