{"id":11509,"date":"2020-04-29T15:09:36","date_gmt":"2020-04-29T15:09:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/adhc.lib.ua.edu\/pandemicbook\/?page_id=11509"},"modified":"2022-02-23T20:40:26","modified_gmt":"2022-02-23T20:40:26","slug":"04-29","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/adhc.lib.ua.edu\/pandemicbook\/04-29\/","title":{"rendered":"04-29"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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Wednesday, April 29<\/h2>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tUS Cases 1.05 million
US Deaths 164,105<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Apr 29: A “GOP Coronavirus memo, written by the strat com company, O’Dell & Associates, goes public<\/a><\/span>, instructing the GOP on how they can blame the pandemic on China and the Democrats. Federal trials find<\/a> <\/span>that an antiviral drug from Giliad Sciences called Remdesivir can speed recovery from COVID-19. Bloomberg reports that the Trump Administration is working on a program called \u201cOperation Warp Speed<\/a>.<\/span>\u201d to speed up the development of a vaccine. *<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\tFrom the Cutting Room Floor...\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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I woke up this morning thinking about Dr. Breen\u2019s suicide, and how everyone is struggling to keep their head straight. Four people I know, myself included, could probably benefit from a prescription for Zoloft. I am aware that I am drinking more than usual to medicate myself through the days. It is both dismaying and comforting to read in the news that I\u2019m not alone, and that alcohol consumption has tripled in the last two months.<\/span><\/p>\n

As one scholar puts it, drinking in moments of crisis is a \u201cmanifestation of emotional distress.\u201d[1]<\/a> At the same time, it seems to do something devilish to anxiety levels the next day. As I set down to nurse my coffee and my mild headache, I see an email from an old friend in my inbox. Evidently, he has picked now to join AA and get sober. I am proud of him.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Note<\/span><\/p>\n

[1]<\/a> Ali Haggett, \u201cGender, Stress, and Alcohol Abuse in Post-War Britain,\u201d in Stress in Post-War Britain, 1945\u201385<\/em>, ed. Mark Jackson, Wellcome Trust\u2013Funded Monographs and Book Chapters (New York (NY): Routledge, 2015), http:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/books\/NBK436954\/<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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You asked me yesterday what it has been like to get sober during a pandemic. In early March, on my 46<\/span>th<\/sup> birthday, I polished off a bottle of Jameson and a bottle of J\u00e4germeister in four hours.<\/span><\/p>

When I woke up the next morning, I was levelled by this overwhelming depression and anxiety. For the first time, I had real thoughts of suicide. I hated myself and all that I had become, all that I had lost. I realized that I was standing on the edge of a knife, facing a life or death choice, maybe the last choice I had to make.
[read_more id=”1″ more=”Read more” less=”Read less”]<\/p>

Why did it happen this time, and not when my wife left me for my drinking, or when I got the DUI? I think it was because I realized at that moment that my life had become completely unmanageable. Later, when I joined the program, what really hit a chord with me wasn\u2019t so much that I was powerless against alcohol. No, the thought that got me, that made me want to get help, was that my life had become\u2026no let me be honest\u2026 that my life had been unmanageable for my entire adult existence. I hadn\u2019t assumed adult responsibilities. I had coasted through everything for the last 33 years, since I was 16 years-old, and probably earlier than that. I had a safety net with my parents and friends, and every single time I fucked up, I was bailed out. I appreciated it at the time, but it didn\u2019t teach me to be a responsible adult.<\/p>

What I have learned since then is that AA is really a course on how to live a manageable life and how to go to bed at night with a sense of integrity that comes from being honest and humble. It forces you to see the narcissism, egoism, controlling, and obsessive tendencies in yourself and recognize how alcohol makes those traits worse. Drinking made my ego huge. Drinking made me always right, even if I was full of shit.<\/p>

Deciding to get sober during a pandemic was a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it made the drinking way worse. Before the virus, I drank at the bar, which meant that I was in a controlled environment that was limited by my budget (although sometimes I would run up a tab spending money that I didn\u2019t have). When the virus hit, the bars all closed, which meant that I was buying liquor by the bottle and drinking it at home. I drank three times as much in those two weeks. It seems like everyone started drinking more heavily after the shutdown. We were all trying to numb the shock of it.<\/p>

The virus also made getting help harder. After my birthday, when I decided that I had to do something, I took a couple of days to go through withdrawals. Then a friend sent me all the information that I needed about AA meetings on Zoom. At this point, all the meetings in person were shut down, so Zoom was the only option. That Saturday, I got on the computer and tried one Zoom meeting. It was absolutely ridiculous. There I am, staring at a screen with thirty-five other people and I\u2019m trying to have that first, really hard conversation. I knew instantly that if I was going to succeed at this, it wasn\u2019t going to be on the internet. I told a friend in the program that I was not going to be able to do AA if it was online. She pulled me aside and handed me a sheet of paper, \u201cWe are going to be at this location tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning. Just show up.\u201d When I got there, there were nine other people there, and I knew six of them.<\/p>

I have gone every day since. It is against the law to meet in person, but I wouldn\u2019t be alive without it. We meet in the park every morning. Twice the cops have approached us. The first cop said that his father was in AA and the second had a brother in the program. They reminded us to keep our masks on and maintain social distance, and then they walked away. All I know now is that there are three things I need to do every day: don\u2019t have a drink, go to a meeting, and talk to my sponsor. I am willing to risk this virus and the police to make those things happen.<\/p>

On the positive side of the pandemic, once I got sober, the bars were closed. That trigger was just not there. On the first day, I got rid of all the alcohol in my house. So, with no alcohol at home and no bars, it meant that if I wanted to drink, I was going to have to leave my house and go to a liquor store to buy it. That delay gives you chance to reflect on what you\u2019re doing and hopefully to make a better choice.<\/p>

I have only really wanted a drink a couple of times since then. The first time was when my aunt died of COVID. The second time was when an old friend overdosed on heroine. He and I had ended our friendship on a bad note. I have a lot of regret that I never had a chance to bury the hatchet with him before he passed away. Drinking somehow goes hand in hand with dying, and it was tempting to have one at his funeral. But I realized that if I had a drink, I would have a bottle, and then the botte would have me, and the next thing you know I would be back where I was. That first drink really has to terrify you.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Yours, S [\/read_more]<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tTommy Siegel, April 29, 2020\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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video citation<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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NewsChannel 5. Alcohol Sales Spike during COVID-19 Pandemic, but It\u2019s Not Just for Drinking<\/i>, 2020. https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=j8fRHaUYRzU<\/a>.<\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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Eater. How the Pandemic Transformed Drinking Culture<\/i>, 2020. https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=by-RdRmlWoI<\/a>.<\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t
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News 8 WROC. Alcohol Sales Are up amid Pandemic<\/i>, 2020. https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=bu_HjaJ5958<\/a>.<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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*If the pdf thumbnails are not appearing, please reload the page.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t

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