Brazilian Steakhouse? Or Heaven on Earth?
By Taylor Vincent • December 14, 2018
Around 20 years ago, a man had a dream that he could bring Brazilian culture to the United States. That dream became a reality with the first Texas de Brazil in Dallas, Texas in 1998. The idea was simple, to recreate the gaucho food culture of South America in North America; and once this simple idea turned into a reality and started expanding, it became a hit nationwide. The closest Texas de Brazil to Tuscaloosa is in uptown Birmingham across the street from the BJCC. This is a nice area that features other restaurants, such as, The Southern Kitchen and Bar and Cantina Laredo, as well as a coffee shop called Octane. So far so good. But what was so special about Texas de Brazil? Why do people always rave about it? That is where me and my roommate come in to investigate.
The overall dining experience is one of newness. In the words of Arbys, they have the meats. That is the selling point. You have one price for dinner and you can enjoy the salad bar or the hot bar; however, the Brazilian meats that are spiced and carved right onto your plate act as the main attraction. The staff gave us a full explanation of how things work right as we sat down: “Have y’all ever been here before?” The waitress then went into a detailed explanation of this coaster sized pad and what it meant. One side is green and the other side is red. Green means “go” and red means “no.” She continued on about how men with skewers of meat would be walking around looking at the colors on the table and if there is any hint of green near you, they will jump on it and ask if you want a piece of this or that. My roommate Cooper and I looked at each other– then looked at the waitress and had an understanding all at the same time: let’s get this show on the road!
BUT before I say anything about the food, I must talk about the service. I was wowed right as I entered the door when the hostesses were dressed nicely in uniform asking us how many were in our party. They charmingly smiled and led us to our table where the waitress greeted us and proceeded to knock my socks off. She was a serving queen! Granted, I’m sure that this is part of the training and the experience, but I was blown away all the same. As we sat down, she unfolded and placed the white-cloth napkins in our laps, which caused me to glance at Cooper and raise my eyebrows hoping he would read my thoughts: “Placing the napkin in my lap? I’m already sold with this place!” The next thing on her script was asking if we were celebrating anything tonight with which my roommate replied, “He just got engaged a week ago, so…” She of course congratulated me and moved on to the menu. She explained how everything worked and left us to start our journey. Cooper and I hit up the salad bar just to start off, but quickly finished and wanted to get to the main event. This part of the service was something new and interesting; the meat men were constantly stalking about, preying on tables with a green patch. We flipped our patch to “go” and they came flocking as if a light had been turned on above our heads. They came from left and right just to see if we wanted to try this slab of lamb or this chunk of chicken. We started eating and forgot that the patch was still on green and the servers kept coming! We had to quickly switch it over, so we could eat in peace; all the while, our waitress frequently visited us to make sure we had enough water or anything else we needed. One last unexpected element was the bus boys. If we finished a plate all we had to do was push it to the corner of the table and servers would come pick it up like dish-fairies.
Now that I’ve extensively gone over the service, it is time for the main course! For starters, Cooper and I had some of the salad and hot bar which was exquisite. It even had the dish that I made myself, Moqueca. It was so much better than my version of course! Then came the meat. The meat. And more meat. This place has 13 different selections of spicy, juicy, delicious red and white meat to choose from. I believe we had at least one bite of all of them. Servers that came around to give us chunks or slices or slabs would always ask, “Would you like some ___?” I immediately learned that there was nothing that I wanted to turn down. Every bite I ate was different somehow. You never think about how meat itself tastes, but once you have 13 different types, it became apparent what I like the most. Tastes varied from salty to smoky, to buttery with a slight sweetness; every flavor imaginable for a carnivorous palate was satisfied. I think my only complaint was that I could never hear the name of the meats from the servers, so I couldn’t say which one was my favorite. I had to just describe what it looked like if they asked me if I wanted more of anything. I eventually did find out what I liked the best and started only asking for that; and that was the brisket. Never have I had a more tender, juicy, beefier piece of meat in my life. I did not really need to use my knife all that much. My fork slid right through it like it was butter. I only wanted this brisket for the rest of the meal, but after a few more rounds, cooper and I started to feel heavy; we realized that we should stop soon, or we would probably get sick. After eating our fill, the waitress brought us the check and we tried to waddle out of there full of incredible, various Brazilian bits of cooked-up animal.
I cannot give this place a higher review. From walking in the front entrance to being catered to like a king, every part of this dining experience was just that, an experience. It certainly is pricey, but you truly get what you pay for. I would say the key to enjoying it is to forget about the price tag. I’m certainly not able to afford a meal like that every night, but when I’m going out to celebrate, that is a place I would love to go to. Another key component to fully enjoy yourself is learn how to say no. It is very easy to go and feel like you have to eat until you throw up. Or at the very least eat the amount you feel like you’re paying for. But getting sick is not worth all that. Everything is delicious and eventually you will learn what you like the most, so you can eat that and enjoy yourself even more. All in all, have fun and enjoy the experience that is Texas de Brazil.